Growing Pains

Today I was commenting on another Christian brother's blog post in which he shared his frustration and discouragement of not knowing where he "fit in". I decided my response would be worthy of posting on my own blog. So here you are --

Well my little Brother in Christ... you are Growing UP!!

All of us are born into this world with that big vacancy that only God can fill. We ALL try to fill it with substitutes from time to time... even AFTER we're "saved". That's our sinful human nature. Pride wants us to take the credit for solving all the problems, wielding all the power, and controlling all that there is to control.

What you have been, and are now, experiencing is called growing pains. I am NOT attempting to minimize the pain and frustration that you've been enduring. Rather, I am just trying to congratulate you for your acknowledging it.

As good ol' Dr. Phil says, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge." However, there is a more dependable source than even the smart doctor: the Holy Scriptures state that "fear is the beginning of understanding".

Let's face it, one of our greatest trials can be fear. Fears often cause us to get off-balance, and then before we regain our composure something ELSE comes along. We get HAMMERED by fear.

I believe that Satan feeds on our fears. That little Devil gains great joy when we beat ourselves up. "Why do I keep doing things wrong? Why doesn't anybody want to BE with me? Why am I such a problem? What good am I doing? Maybe they'd be better off without me. Maybe I'll just stay home. I wouldn't have had any fun anyway. . .

Soon, we can find ourselves isolated, lonely, and depressed. That is far from God's plan for us to be: connected and involved with people, and living lives full of blessings and victory over trials and problems. Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness, gentleness and self-control... that's what God wants for us. And He provides the means if we just look to Him as the source.

And then there's the concern of those of us who are "people pleasers". "What are THEY going to THINK?" "They're going to be: mad at me, disappointed, hurt... They'll think I'm ugly, nerdy, goofy, stupid, a fool, a burden..."

Do you see it? The way Satan gets us to focus on ME. If he can convince me to focus on myself and how terrible I am; then he will succeed in keeping me from doing the very thing I am here for. I am here to show God's love to others and to allow God's love to come to me through others. When the love of God is allowed to flow through and to me... then and only then do I get to feel the joy of purpose.

That is how I can be joyful even during times of trouble. Jesus promised a helper. He NEVER lies. The Holy Spirit ministers to me through other people. And I am allowed to minister to others in the same way. See 2 Cor.1:3-7 :D

"Perfect love casts out fear," so to obtain "the peace that passes understanding" allow yourself to turn to the comfort found in His Holy Word. By examining the truths that God reveals; we are better equipped to recognize the lies that try to present themselves as truths.

I started out with this being an encouragement to a brother. But as much as I have seen Satan's handiwork in action lately.. I think I'm going to actually blog this as well.

In the meantime, Brother, I hope that you will be strengthened as you focus on calling the "stinkin' thinkin'
flat=out lies! God said that you are His adopted child and there is nothing that anyone can do to take you from His hand.

God's Word is TRUTH and it says in Romans 8 -- "(38) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor heavenly rulers, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, (39) neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And WHEN (not IF) I get beaten up on the Battlefield of the Mind, I must quit going on the offense and take a defensive stance. All I have to do is get behind that Shield that God has given to me... the battle is the Lord's and He is my Deliverer. So sometimes I just need to acknowledge that I NEED Him. Then I just need to fully rely on Him, having faith that He is control of it all. . . that His way is the Best way.

Psalm 119:114 --"You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your Word."

In closing, I would just like to:
Exalt the Savior - He is in control
Equip the Saints - Study His words to fight lies with truth
Edify the Body - remember You are not alone
Examine myself - this advice for you is also reminder for me
Evangelize - let's press on and share what we learn : )

With love, Ellen5e

Storm Leaves Some Disconnected

One of my great passions is communications. Graphic Arts, photography, video, music and song, face to face and (increasingly) net-based, new media. Yes FaceBook, Twitter, G-mail, IMs have greatly enriched my everyday life and ministry opportunities.

Like most conveniences of our modernized lives, the importance of the technology isn't really appreciated until it's lost. And that's where I am at the moment... DISCONNECTED.

Last night at 9:20 p.m. a nasty thunderstorm descended upon our neighborhood and unleashed its fury! Lightning strobed. Thunder shook walls. One particularly close strike sent our terrier straight up into the air in fright. Our electricity flashed, just enough to have to reset the VCR/DVR and cause me to go into possible power failure mode. Lighting up the hurricane oil lamp, shutting down computer and peripherals and double checking power surge protector connections; the inevitable happens... the cable connection is lost immediately following a gigantic howling of wind.

With computer off, TV out of commission, and me not wanting to start more reading... I pulled out my guitar and actually practiced technique! I can't tell you how long it's been since I have played focusing on musical technique as opposed to automatic "plug and play" or "Zone out and sing out"... that kind of thing.

After the worst of the storm seems to have passed, I noticed that there were tree leave clumps scattered all over the yard. I was grateful to learn that our 50 foot ash tree managed to keep a grasp of it's limbs. Though, I took a flashlight outside to inspect the cable connections, I didn't see the problem. But clearly we were without cable service. No internet, no TV, not even phone. I am DISCONNECTED!

Fortunately, we still had electrical power, so I did some non-internet computer work and office organization well into the night... into the next morning hours actually.
So much for my original thought of "stormy weather, stuff shut down, I'll make up for recent sleep loss".

My chronic pain always flairs with severe weather and this proved to be no exception.
One of the ongoing tools my chronic pain group uses is "Don't Isolate". And here I was forced into isolation. EEEK!

So, again, I was up 'til near 4 a.m... only 2.5 hours of sleep this time. God help me. I did get task lists organized and established for Getting Things Done, so though the hours were later than I'd have liked, they were very productive. Just not on the major project that I really WANT/NEED to work on... I need the internet for that....aaah.

Here it is 24 HOURS LATER and it seems like a WEEK!
Thank God, I could just hobble on back to my alma mater Crossroads Bible College, the nest of my New Media outreach, and walk right in to settle in at the very same computer station I used while here last December. Check it out.... this computer still houses bookmarks of my favorites. I'm feeling more CONNECTED already.

So as I am nestled in front of the warm glow of the computer screen actually getting some online work done, God continues to minister: I meet an elderly poet who likes to talk religion and reads and comments on my blogs and picture posts. He does most of the talking, I politely stay engaged, but it is God's words that come from my lips to him over and again. : ) A bit frustrated by not getting more "things done", but realize that this divine appointment may have been an investment in a fellow's day; a possible paradigm shift, hopefully an encouragement in his faith walk.

Later, I talk to staff members... testimony sharing time. God is praised and we are blessed.

Then, Jamel a co-student, younger brother in Christ and FaceBook friend happens into the computer lab. What a great surprise. He graduated but is giving a sermon tomorrow so we share the lab as well as exchange useful Bible quotes and illustrations. You know, the very last time I saw Jamal was over 6 months ago. He was preparing for a sermon to give the next day then as well. Coincidence? I don't think so!! I'm really feeling connected and loved now.

Once again, the thing that strikes me most is that I am NOT getting as much of my Project presentation done as I had hoped. However, by putting the people over the things; God is clearly working!! I wish you could SEE this. It's exciting.


So, as I had forgotten yet another password... to my FriendFeed account... I went to ask them to reset it. I of course had to verify the request with a Captcha (random words to weed out unauthentic requests and tampering). Mind you these are RANDOM.
Are you ready to see this???


This "random" set of words given me by Captcha didn't seem so random given the trial I was passing through at the time.

"Render" I had been rendered, torn, forced to do things in a manner I would not willingly have chosen. I rendered to Him that which is due. God is in control!

"Believe" Have Faith, Trust in the One who ALWAYS gives me ALL that I need, and gives so in such abundance that it is beyond my comprehension.

Nothing Is Too Small

I have been going through a passage of maturity just lately. A very ominous, daunting, dark and narrow pass threatened me just this last weekend.

I have been taking part in an inter-city mission that I had been called two "accidentally" for over two years. "Ask Anything Saturdays" is conducted at the Unleavened Bread Cafe in the heart of Indianapolis. This mission-field is one in which some of us Christians implant ourselves into an otherwise unfamiliar culture to be used to show the love of Christ in practical ways.

The overall objective is to be available to introduce anyone who comes in off the street to the basics of using computers. So much of our society today involves the World Wide Web for developing job skills, applying for jobs, conducting research and getting to the information in a fraction of the time it used to take. Even more exciting, is the opportunity to make new friendships and network across many physical boundaries.

The internet has allowed us to cross racial, economical, cultural and educational boundaries. There are tutorials that help the newbies start out on this new adventure called the Internet. There are still some accessibility issues, especially for the aged and the economically strained. However, thanks to Public Libraries, schools, and now other social gathering computer cafe's, this boundary too, is being torn down.

Since I consider myself a "Walmart Missionary" (my term for witness and connect WHEREVER you happen to be at the time, to whomever happens to be around, in whatever way the Lord leads) when I was first asked to make myself available for a few hours on Saturday mornings, I accepted the commission.

This is an commitment that I do not take lightly. I often have NO idea of who will be there or what possible way(s) I may help them.

This last Saturday, July 5th, there were BIG plans at the UBCafe. We had been urging some cafe regulars to come to a special Media Training event. I was encouraged by a co-servant to spearhead the workshop. It would take a bit of extra preparation on my part, but I was very happy to accept the challenge. We even invited others from outside the usual crowd to come join us.

Thursday night before the Saturday event, the Great Oppressor started to work on me. I had a terrible fever, too nauseous to eat, extremely weak and a headache that made looking at my computer monitor for prepwork extremely difficult. All day Friday the illness continued. Then the battlefield of the mind was being bombarded with "oh man, wonder if this fever doesn't go away? Suppose I am not prepared enough?"

God, comforted me with a remembrance of the story of the little boy with the tidbits of fishes and loaves that fed thousands. "Just do what you can and I will take care of the rest. Don't listen to the Supreme Liar who is trying to convince you that you can't do it. Remember, in weakness, God's strength is magnified."

This is the same exact lesson that God has been showing me to encourage not only myself, but other Christian workers who are getting bombarded lately.

Saturday morning arrived. My body was still sick, but I was trusting that my fever was NOT contagious and prepared for the workshop. I had gathered all of my things and was heading out to our only car only to discover that we were totally out of gas!

So, my husband quickly took the van down the street to put in some gas, while I phoned to my friends to let them know that I would be tardy, but I AM coming. I felt so apologetic, knowing that they were waiting for me. Again the battlefield of the mind was aglow with new "worthlessness" bombs and a barrage of "you're letting everyone down" grenades.

About that time, Steve returned to tell me that our debit card was declined and we have no credit card. OH NO!! It turned out we'd been double charged and it hadn't been credited back because of the holiday weekend banking hours : (

Earlier in the week we literally emptied our penny bank for gas so that I could make it to another Christian meeting I felt lead to attend. A Christian brother handed me a folded bill and simply said "here, go get some gas". I was blessed to receive the bill. I would go straight to put $5 of gas into the car. When I went to pay, I discovered that the bill was really a $10. So I pocketed the remaining $5 and over the course of the next day bought a gallon of milk (on sale!) and still had $3 left.

That $3 put enough gas into the van for me to get into the workshop. I had earned a fifty dollar check dog sitting earlier, that Steve would go cash at customer's bank which would close at noon.

Now, I was almost an hour late !!! The battlefield was having a turn in the fighting. I was more convinced than ever that Satan really did NOT want me to go this morning. And I KNOW from experience that when things get this bad, there is going to be a tremendous Godthing happen! I even verbalized that fact to my husband who was driving me in. And then again, I spoke out loud as I rushed right in to the community room. "Hold on and pay attention, God is gonna do something!"

I went from dread to anticipation. Leaning not on my own understanding. Not getting hung up with the "oh, there are not as many people here as I thought there'd be, maybe they left because I was so late." I was excited to see what was going to happen. Confident in the fact that whoever was here, whatever we shared, whatever we did... all of it was in God's hands, for His glory and for the blessing of us all.

We DID have a very productive workshop. It was difficult to balance the information between the totally inexperienced and the already understanding individuals so as not to cause sensory overload on the novices nor bore the experienced. God IS good.

Again, I was comforted as I AGAIN encouraged us all with the sufficiency of our Great God. That whatever little thing we have to bring God WILL use. We do NOT have to do it all. And what we may think is NOT enough, with God's power becomes MORE than enough.

As I was outside teaching basic video filming with some of the trainees, two of my brothers in Christ were talking about me. When I came back, I was offered a JOB! Those who know me and my physical limitations and lack of income, know what a tremendous blessing this was. My new employer has offered to pay me for doing communications work for the Ministry that he spearheads. Communications is my passion and now I'm actually going to get a little money for that. He was reminding me that he couldn't pay me much (apologizing about not being able to pay MUCH), but that it should help offset gas money. "It's not very much"??? What is the lesson we are learning boys and girls?

God is sufficient... just do what I can.... He'll handle the rest.
It's called walking by faith, NOT by sight.

Then, another miracle happened. My husband called my cell phone. Was I ready to be picked up? Oh yes, it was now after 2pm and I hadn't eaten yet, could he please bring me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him?

To which he replied, "it just so happens that we got $100 refund in the mail just now". That was enough to buy some much needed groceries! Immediately after ending the call, I began to tear up. "God, you've done it AGAIN!"

I was so filled with praise for what He had done for us, that I gathered about 6 brothers and sisters who were about to leave the Cafe and said... "please just give me 5 seconds to tell you something and pray with me."

We gathered in a circle holding hands and I reported all that God had been doing just that very day. Then I offered up praise that just spewed out of me, with my dear friends joining in the Thanksgiving to our Saviour. Tears of joy and undeserved blessing streamed down my face. I thanked my friends and thought they'd leave. But once again God was not DONE blessing yet. A brother who I do not really know well at all, asked to pray. He affirmed that something that I had said testified to something he was learning through God!! Blessing upon Blessings... now this was a worship service. 7 people and gathered angels praising our Awesome God!

So, though this blog post is one of my longest yet. I think of it as a pile of stones of remembrance; set to remind us of how God cares for even the little things, even me.

It is fitting that this Independence Day weekend was one in which I was set free in a new way. That by simply pressing on against the seemingly narrow passage; I not only was escorted through the narrow chasm, but my SAVIOR used the Holy Scripture to BLAST a passageway, the Holy Spirit to energize me forward and the Awesome Grace of God to show me that on the other side of the passageway was beautiful meadow full of all the blessings that are yet to come!!

Thanks for taking this trip with me : )
Because I believe like it says in the book of Corinthians that when we share such things together, our sorrows are halved and our joys doubled!!

PS I've also embedded a great song on this page called "Just How Big Small Can Be" by 1000 Generations. This is my theme song for this portion of the journey of my life.