Mayor delivers State of the City Address

On Saturday, February 21st, Mayor Greg Ballard delivered his State of the City address at Christel House Academy on Indianapolis' south side. Despite the blustery snowfall outside, there appeared to be approximately four hundred people assembled in the charter school's gymnasium to hear what the mayor had to report.

Click here for additional photos of the event

Birthday with friend Henry Lee Summers

Henry Lee Summers poses with me on my birthday Friday, Feb. 20th). Steve and I went to Gallagher's 2 on Indy's southside for pizza and listening to their band play!

Henry Lee Summers and I became friends in Spring 2007 when in some classes together. I didn't know who he was until AFTER he helped me with some guitar chords. THEN, we joked around, sang/played a lot between classes... guitar, keyboards, singing...good times.

It was my birthday, so we went to Gallagher's 2 on Indy's southside for pizza and listening to their Henry Lee Summers and the Alligator Brothers play.

When not playing with Henry Lee, on their own, the band is known as SoulShine - Brian Baker (Far Left.:former national touring guitarist), Henry Lee Summer (middle front) and Charlie Bushor (middle back, former drummer for The Why Store, MCA Records) Rhonda Baker (lead singer/keyboards) and Greg Baker (Bass, far Right).

Fire Burning Love

My friend Gabe voiced his concerns about some of the larger Christian organizations of the nation drawing large crowds with uber-celebrity type people. Also, the idea that maybe too much time was being spent on being a good "leader". This made me think of a worldly, success-based motivation behind the meetings. So I understood Gabe's frustration. To view Gabe's original post, click here. The following is my response:

Hmmm... Gabe Dear... me thinks that you are noticing the trend of many "Christian" organizations, churches included (sadly) that are taking the eyes off of the flame of the candle in an effort to reinvent the candle stick. What 'style' is the most attractive," becomes more widely discussed than "do we need to trim the wick," or "is the wind so turbulent as to endanger blowing out the flame?" Worse yet, in my opinion, is how we can get so caught up in the externals that we 'douse the flame' with an unloving or cynical attitude toward those that are different from ourselves.

Maybe we are not even striking the match, quenching the Spirit when we do not follow the Spirit's leading to take the initiative and speak out or otherwise demonstrate God's hand at work in the lives of others. It might be too uncomfortable or embarrassing for us to knock on a door or pose a question. What might they think of us? That sounds a bit like that old fire-extinguisher 'Pride' trying to get rid of the flame of Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.


"BURN ON," I say! And how can I keep that flame burning brightly if I don't keep it stoked with the Word of God! God's Word is my delight... like honey..."YOUR WORD is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path," Ps. 119:105, If I am to let my "light so shine before men" from a hilltop and not under a basket, I believe that I must daily keep in close communion with God.

As I draw closer to Him, THEN I will naturally have a testimony flow from that. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, THEN all these things will be added. . .". What makes me a better 'leader' is that I train myself to be a better "follower." It goes against our sinful, selfish nature, but, Jesus Himself spoke of the need for us to serve others. At the time He was saying it, He was washing His disciples feet. So who am I following? God or man? Now, THAT is the question.

All the fire references that have popped up in this comment are as a result of my having just re-listened to "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads. I associate my passion of following God and being filled with the Holy Spirit with the visual image and analogy of fire. And that song popped into my head.

So I went and looked at the lyrics. Some of the words in that song speak to personal agenda getting in the way. . . is my house in order... am I trying to do things my own way with the latest and greatest techniques.. getting all worked up into a frenzy and then burning my own house down in an inferno. Thanks, but no thanks.

Give me the comfort of knowing that God's fire is at the center of my home, bringing warmth and comfort to my family and friends, as well as any strangers who chose to partake in hospitality. As long as the fire is contained properly in the firebox beneath the mantle... as long as I adhere to what I know to be the correct way to handle and care for the fire, I have nothing to fear. By simply doing what I have learned to be correct I am able to be protected from the winter chill, AND rejoice in sharing that warmth with others. Link to Burning Down the House Lyrics by Talking Heads
Link to Burning Down the House Song

Yes, it is cold outside. But, we have been given a wonderful fire in our home. Would you like to come in and join us?

The Internet Mission Field

Though it may not be what first what comes to mind as an evangelical mission field, the Internet has proven to be one of the biggest mission fields that is ripe and ready for harvest, that can be reached without gathering up monetary support.

I have been blessed to have been able to complete a course at Crossroads Bible College of Indianapolis which was entitled "New Media for Urban Change". This was an innovative course in which students were introduced to "the Digital Divide", methods in which people learn and are taught, as well as utilizing the ever-expanding tools on the World Wide Web.

Technology is reaching out to us across the internet with many tools and programs that are Open Source (available for free) which allow us to, in turn, reach out to others with the Gospel of Jesus Christ!!

My course instructors Pastor Bryan Hudson, Hosea Baxter of Crossroads Bible College, and Neil Cox did an excellent job of awakening the "monster" inside of me. I mean monster, in a good way, as I was devouring all that they taught and actually applying it as we went.

Today I came across an article written by Dan Henrich called "Internet Evangelism for the 21st Century." If all goes well you can view by clicking HERE.

It has now become easier for me to reach others for Christ while not being so limited by physical limitations. The time of day, physical location of the other party/parties are not even a problem in us growing each other in Christ, IF... and here's the big one, IF we both have a computer and access to the internet.

As computer technology continues to progress to the point where many people are carrying around mini computers in their hands, I believe the access to devices will finally become more accessible. Likewise, the costs of obtaining a computer/device will go down and then to, the free use stations at libraries and many internet cafes will allow even the poorer of the society to take part.

That is why I so enjoy being an active member of Ask Anything Saturdays which takes place at the Unleavened Bread Cafe at the corner of 30th and Central, in downtown Indianapolis. Here, just anyone can come into the cafe for some good breakfast and on Saturdays (between 10 am and 1 pm) I and a few other community servants, will help people with finding out whatever they want to know by using the internet.

We help people who are afraid of the computer, but must use one to apply for a job or set up an e-mail account. We introduce people to the internet and the many tools available online for free. And, most importantly of all, we introduce strangers to the Lord Jesus Christ or lift up the brothers and sisters of the body who need encouragement and prayer as well as some hands-on assistance.

Question of the Week: What's your mission?

A new friend of mine is inspiring me to blog more. She has challenged me with a question of the week to take place on Mondays. So here is the first one. "What is your mission?"

I am going to answer that for myself, sharing it with you on this blog, then ask you to either comment with your own answer or giving a link to the answer on your blog. This exercise should challenge our minds and our motivations, while allowing us to share our life experiences and lessons for the benefit of all.

For me, personally, my "Mission" is to become a more Godly woman while sharing the love of God with others. It is a mission of eternal importance. That translates into my NEW IDENTITY ... I have an internet and missionary identity of Ellen5e.

That's it "Ellen(five)'E'". Ellen is my birth given name. The Five 'E's are what God has revealed to me as key to what I am to focus on while using my God-given talents of communication through art, music, photography, word and deed.


The Five E's are:
1) EXALT God -- worshiping, praising, proclaiming God's goodness
2) EQUIP the Saints -- study the Word, full armor of God, learn new skills & pass on what I learn
3) EDIFY the Body -- help fulfill needs, build up and encourage
4) EXAMINE myself -- strive to keep myself in line with God's plan
5) EVANGELIZE the World -- take the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the World.

So I use these five "E"s to gauge whether I am making the best use of my time. It's sort of like a shortcut to help me remember what I believe are the goals of my earthly mission.

Well, that's my "mission". Now, would you be kind enough to share your mission with me? I'd really enjoy hearing what drives you forward.

That is your mission, should you choose to accept it! This message may self destruct in ten seconds... nine... eight ....

Winter Wonders

We are definitely in the throws of winter now. Twelve and a half inches fell on Indianapolis' far eastside on Tuesday into Wednesday. I don't know for sure, but I think we received more snow in that twenty four hours than we did all of last winter!

The snow was pretty to look at, but quite a chore to deal with. I shoveled one of our two driveways, the front walk to the house and the sidewalk next to the street, only to have it blow and snow it to the point where it looked as though I hadn't done anything.

This first photo is of our lamp post in the front yard. With all the snow it reminds me a bit of the Lamp post in the Chronicles of Narnia.

Even better was the view of our picnic table on the back deck. Heaped up with pure mounds of snow I couldn't help but ask "Picnic anyone?" and "Now, where's that grill?"

OH DEER!! Here is a photo of a deer that I captured with my camera. She was all nestled into a thicket near Coffee Creek in Chesterton, Indiana. After we went to church, she was lying in an area where we had spotted her standing earlier.

As of this posting, there are still several thousand homes without electricity due to heavy ice damage in southern Indiana. I am so thankful that we didn't have that mess. Kentucky has so many trees and power lines down that utility people are coming in from other states to help get them back up and running.

Here at home, I am thanking God that we have heat and no tree damage. Only 42 more days 'til Spring!! But then, who's counting . . . I AM!!

NEW YEAR --- can I start over?

Do you remember the times when you were a kid and things weren't going your way (especially if it was while you were learning the rules of a new game at recess) and you would look to the teacher with puppy-dog eyes and say "can I have a Do-Over please"?

There have been many, many twists and turns in the month of December 2008 for me and my family. So, here at the very beginning of 2009 I would like a Do-Over.


I'd like to just start fresh with a clean slate from square One.

IF it were possible this is what I'd do:
-- erase ALL of my email inbox right now without reading any of it. Just tell my friends to resend anything that is important.
-- take all the post-it stickies all over my desk office and spilling out into other areas of the home and miraculously have the info on them stored where it should be or thrown away!
-- have a very trusted friend come into my home and help me blast through the piles of receipts and papers and files and throw out all of it except the "important" (defined by taxes, medical, assets). Now that I think about it...it might take more like a group of friends... but they'd need to know what they're doing, 'cuz Lord Knows, I don't.
-- tear up my Social Security Card and recreate my identity. Start with fresh credit records, medical records and all the other "Past", so I could have it stop dragging me back into the past.

I really think it would be funny if someone stole MY identity... they wouldn't know what they were getting into. They certainly couldn't go out and ruin my credit... we don't use credit cards and there are so many medical bills that they would receive instant justice when all those bills came to them!

Do you remember that pop song [Talking Heads "Once In a Lifetime"] where the guy wakes up in Hollywood and he asks himself "Well... How did I get here? " Well, that is what is running through my mind right now. HOW did I get here? One major life twist after another. Especially as it pertains to health issues, my time up until now has been chaotic when it comes to keeping things filed away in an organizational manner. On top of that the papers just keep comin' in.

I don't really make a list of New Year's Resolutions because I know that it is beyond anything that I can do apart from God's power. Rather I do reflect and see where I can improve in the upcoming year. One of my top priorities for 2009... get out from under the paper mountain and stop some of the inflow of more paper... UNLESS or course it's the green variety with the numbers on it. Making money using my skills is also at the top of my list.

I'd say "wish me luck," but I really don't need that. However, if you want to pray for my discernment of doing that which is right and obedient as I learn to sort this all out... please do.

Without a Leg to Stand On

Surgery Discription
Originally uploaded by Ellen5e

The last few days have been really tough. I always have chronic pain, so I usually have a pretty high pain threshold. However, this latest surgery has ground me down more than any previous. Since I have had extra time awake in the middle of the night, I have used the time for closer examination of this phenomena. Why is this time so different?

Almost all of the other 39 surgeries have involved my LEFT ankle, foot, leg, knee. As a result I have gotten very good at making left-favoring body accommodations. While favoring my left side, I balance and make micro adjustments with my right side of my body, where there are no fusions or limitations to keep me from doing so.

Here is the crux of the problem. Now, that the RIGHT foot had to be operated on due to biomechanical changes resulting from all that unnatural gaiting and balancing, the LEFT foot simply cannot offer the same kind of support to the right, as the right has done for the left. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

I can hear my right foot now. "Oh sure, I'm there standing right beside you for all those dozens of surgeries, picking up your slack; supporting you. Then, the ONE time I need a little help, you wimp out on me! What's up with that?!" lol

It is by trying to play peacemaker to these two feet of mine that I learn that I have been just as guilty of not understanding the true nature of the problem. It is so easy to "blame" someone else, or to take on false guilt myself. I "should" be doing more. I "must've" done something wrong. Nope, I must examine what is really "true." What is that?

These are the facts: 21 years ago I was struck by a car which changed the direction of my physical capabilities forever. There are things that I will NEVER be able to do again on this earth. There are things that I dreamed of doing, that I will never get to do, period. The sooner I face those facts, the better.

Because I am allergic to all the pain meds that most people can take for relief, I am not able to receive the relief from Chronic pain that many people have come to expect from modern medicine. Though I feel entitled, the fact is, I am not. This "thorn in my flesh" is mine. God only knows why. But, whatever the reason, I do trust Him. In a sick kind of way, I am honored. For God's Word says that He will never give us more than we can endure. He has a whole lot more faith in my abilities than I do.

I’ve just returned from the follow-up appointment with the surgeon. Dr. Karl Raynor explained to my husband and I exactly what he did in there. He also showed us the x-rays. There is a bunch of swelling and bruising, but no infection. YEAH!

Recovery is underway. It will take some time, but I will get through it and be stronger on the other side. But, for now, it's just one step at a time on this journey of life.

If you click HERE you will see more photos of the foot up close and they are not for weak stomachs.

A Little Birdy Told Me

Oliver Comp perch 02
Originally uploaded by Ellen5e

Well, a not-so-little Patagonia Conure parrot actually told me to hang in there. This post surgery pain has GOT to let up soon. Oliver, the bird, actually jumped off of his cage, waddled down the hallway, climbed up the sheets and onto my shoulder. He was concerned about me and new that the Spirit the wonder dog had kept coming in here to see me.

Therefore, not to be outdone, Oliver made the extra effort to show that dogs are not the only loyal pets in this household.

You can see other flickr photos of my pets' bedside manners by clicking here.

Dig - Dug Drag

Excavation Day2
Originally uploaded by Ellen5e

Please pray for Steve. My poor husband has been digging for two days now, in the cold weather trying to get to the place where the lateral drain has collapsed. He is determined to uncover the spot by hand and THEN have a contractor come in to pull permits and actually perform the repair in order to save hundreds of dollars.

The only problem is, well, not having draining water for our household has already meant that he's made a run to the laundry mat; lots of sponge baths, and fine china equals paper plates. I am thankful that so far he is doing a good job of not overly straining his back and also takes frequent breaks to recover from working in the cold.

He has removed a lot of tree roots, but still hasn't uncovered the area that the snake prodding says is only about six feet from the clean-out.

You have to wonder what the neighbors are thinking. Looks grave-like especially with the black plastic bags of straw nearby. lol

Big Pain with BAD drain

Monday we discovered that we have a BIG problem. Apparently our drain from the house to the street has collapsed. Right before Thanksgiving we had a problem with draining laundry water backing up into the tub of the bathroom across the house while also overflowing the toilet. AAH!

Thank God I happened to have just gone to the bathroom so I was there to get everything up off the floor and also put up a dam of towels to keep water from getting to the carpeted hallway. Still I spent all afternoon cleaning up and bleaching. YUCK!

My husband Steve, rented a power auger and used it in the drain cleanout and things were better... we thought. It happened again... water is not draining from tub, for a very long time. When we go and glance outside, the cleanout cap has water oozing out, which means the pipe has certainly been blocked downline.

Several homes in our 1960s neighborhood have the "gopher dirt line" running from their house toward the street showing that they too had to replair/replace drain pipe. Apparently clay drainage pipes and plus we have clay soil, so FAIL.

Right now, we are only flushing 2 times a day. Sponge bathing and Steve 1 minute shower. At least Steve is able to use toilet at work for solid waste, but I am worried when my time comes. Gonna have to use a 5-gallon bucket with lid as a chamber pot and then impose on a friendly neighbor. We need this fixed ASAP!!!!

Now here's where the real pain comes in. Normally, a repair like this would cost $3,000 plus. Steve has decided that he will use a snake, determine approx area of collapse, then dig by hand. Bigger pain, FRIGID weather. Ground is freezing up as we are having hard freezes in teens at night and 20's or 30's in daytime. PLUS Steve has a very demanding work load at his job, so not time to take a day off. So it's gonna be slow going. By the time he gets home in the evening he only has about an hour of semi-daylight with which to dig. Plus the snow is coming.

I have a bale of straw in the back to use for insulating my roses and strawberry patch. So I suggested to Steve that he fluff some of that up into some large plastic lawn bags to lay down on the soil to try to insulate temperature of soil a bit.

We've already located the gas and water lines and Steve's looked at the utilities map at the City. So, a shovelful at a time, he will dig to the collapsed pipe area and expose it. THEN, he will bring in the contractor who will pull the permits and actually do the repair. Steve can then help do the back fill to save more money. So we will get the bill from the thousands to the hundreds. All of this is gonna take so long to do : (

Please pray for my dear husband, that he doesn't hurt his back, shoulders or neck during the endeavor, as well as his overall health as it is so cold and he is under increased stress of the situations. Thank you!

I praise God that we still have water coming INTO the house, so we are not without water. We have electricity, heat, food and communications. Most importantly, we are blessed to have each other. it will be interesting to see how this all comes out.

A "NOVEL" IDEA: I thought it would be neat to have a "Tom Sawyer Painting Party"-kind of event. Friends and Christian brothers show up with shovels and "dig in". I feel so unhelpful, because I really would be out there digging myself, but God has me in surgery recovery "oh-n0-you-don't" mode. Lord knows this is a very difficult place for me to be.

This life truly is a wonderful journey and even these trials prove to be an opportunity to learn and grow in love and understanding. Thanks for reading this.
If you have any experiences or advise to share, I would very much like to hear from you.

Big Pain with Ultimate Gain

Okay, so I really thought that surgery number thirty-nine last February would be that last one I'd need in a long time. However, at my last ortho follow-up, my doctor and I discussed the need for another minor surgery. This one would be required on my "good" (right) foot.

You see, due to all the surgeries on my left (leg, ankle, foot, fusions, staples, screws and metal rod, etc....) biomechanics make me walk oddly across my right foot. Over time my big toe started turning more to cross over my other toes and metatarsal bone started shifting position.

So this surgery required opening from above, aligning the metatarsal bone with the others, and then taking another wedge of bone from big toe bones. That's right... with my surgeon's talent... I will now be straightened out and fly.... um, er, ... "walk" right. LOL

Surgery is over, and the healing begins. Since I am allergic to pain meds it makes it a painful process, but I have gotten great relief from the surgically placed pain block (now worn off) and some morpheine. The few pills they did give me for take home are helping for now, tho' the itchiness is building. Eventually, the rash reaction will outweigh the benefit of the pain and I'll stop taking it. Hopefully, I can endure for the first three worst pain days.

I am therefore back on my crutches. My good ol' friends that help hold me up as I heal. These are the original ones I got 21 years ago when all of this started. Faithfulness is the word. If these things had an odometer on them like a vehicle, they would have tripped over the 100,000 miles mark at least 4 times. : P

However, upon leaving the hospital yesterday, I was issued a new "boot" as I have now worn out my second one to shreds. I usually resole, put on new velcro and keep going. This new boot is more hard-shell plastic so will probably last even longer w/o shredding the neoprene and velcro of the fabric. It is a more visible light gray color instead of the black that I am used to. Which means I'm gonna have a harder time disguising it. Oh well, que sera.

Thanks to my Loving God, I can still celebrate walking with Him, even when I am not walking --- think about it. My soul can dance even while I am on crutches. Time to heal or is it heel? LOL

Need A Job

I am currently customizing my resume's to potential employment jobs. Using my graphics, design and communication skills has been used as I can help others, but more out of volunteer and learning/teaching rather than pay. And only as my Chronic Fatigue lets me. If my body shuts down, there simply is nothing I can do to keep it going.

There is one medication that I can take to help with energy... only one, non-generic, incredibly expensive medication. It is TOO expensive. So it's a catch 22. I need the medication, to be able to have enough energy to do a job to make money. Aaaah!

So freelancing is the only way I can make a living. Or having someone give me job assignments with an upcoming deadline that I can work toward on a flexible schedule. I am pretty well set up at home to do a variety of work on the computer/internet. I just need to get paid for it and then a steady inflow. That's an area of prayer that continues.

I know there is some way that I can earn money from home office working, but am very leary of all the WORK at HOME ads out on the web. There are way too many scams. It seems the only way to know if an offer/business is reputable is to research it through the Better Business Bureau or Chambers of Commerce and both of those take a lot of time. Plus the disreputable scammers are always closing up quickly so they are harder to catch. Plus, just because there is not a report at the Better Business Bureau doesn't mean that there is not fraud going on; just that they haven't been reported... yet.

The best way to get a job will be from a personal referral. Fortunately for me, all my volunteer work and growing connections on the internet are building out a good job-seeking network. But, I am trusting on my friends to help me get good solid leads. I have gifts and talents, but I just need opportunity. I need someone, or company to believe in me and help me to help them.

If there is anyone that you think could use me as a worker for a fair wage, please let me know won't you? Thanks!

Thanksgiving with a Soldier

This is not your typical holiday greeting or a link to an online card. Rather it is a heartfelt "Happy Thanksgiving" from our WHOLE family. We are here in St. Robert, Missouri to visit with Michelle for a couple of days. We pray that all of you are enjoying your family gatherings and blessings of just being together, let alone the bonuses of yummy seasonal feasts : )
--------------------
Yes, this was the first and only time she has seen us since July 1st. NO, she did not get to graduate. We just attended the graduation of most of her company because she wanted us to meet a lot of them, the sergeant's and other cadre. Plus, we were able to learn a LOT about the daily basic training and see some of the drilling in action.

Michelle was granted an overnight pass off base which is unusual for non-grads, but the Sergeants ALL are very impressed with her. You see, she is top-notch, but cannot graduate until she is healed enough to march and run 15k. The most she was able to do before the hip stress fracture was 8k, and then they shut her down for fear of the fracture breaking on through. She sure knows her stuff and she's very good at communicating that to others; civilians or newbies or being quizzed by the brass to explain to other groups.

We are so very PROUD. She is meeting with the adversity of an uncertain future and limitations that she has no control over quite well. She is a bit bothered by the way that medical holdovers on profile (physical limitations) are treated by the rest of the troop as a whole. There ARE fakers and wimps who pretend to be injured, and then there are the legit. We met a young specialist (like corporal) who is gonna have back surgery in January. But it's those that are assigned to crutches that basically don't USE them that gives everyone a bad rep.

After completing 2 cycles now, she is respected by most everyone. But it is the army way to shun the injured to encourage quick healing and compliance.

So with her off base overnight pass, she was able to come back to the hotel with us, eat PIZZA and then we went out to a movie. "BOLT" is a new computer animated movie about a dog that our family wanted to see. It was either that, or the new James Bond movie. The dog in the movie and his relationship with the girl made Michelle really miss being home with Spirit. But it has LOTS of funny lines and happenings in the movie, not to mention the different animation styles. So we thoroughly enjoyed it.

Then, there was the Scrabble game and LOTS of good conversation, and popcorn and junk food. Then she shared the bed with me. Then in the morning, decadence of all time, Krispy Cream Donughts! We're talking lemon cream and raspberry jam filled deliciousness. That and milk was it prior to the Family Thanksgiving Dinner Event put on by the company on base at 1pm. That food was delicious. And the best part was that there was no cooking and cleaning on my part. LOL. Seriously, it was surprisingly tasty and there were an abundance of things I never even got to on the side bar.

Turkey, Ham and Beef, Mashed potatoes and gravy, yams, StoveTop OR Bread stuffing, peas and mushrooms, corn, shrimp cocktail, pumpkin pie, cheese cake, rolls, and more and more that we didn't even go to look at. They charged only $6.15 for Steve and me, and Michelle just checked in. A few of the mess hall employees pulled me aside and said things like "we're not supposed to develop close relationships with the privates, but Spencer is special," and "She's a good one," and "we all like your daughter a lot around here." The one lady (has Michelle's number memorized) wanted a photo of all three of us together. And Michelle asked for one with her and the lady together.

There were a few tears shared between us. During graduation, when the graduates are repeating the Soldiers Creed as one, was very emotional for Michelle and I. Knowing that she has to sit there while they move on. I am sure it was even more emotional for her when her first cycle graduated. The ones in which she really bonded as they broke in together.

The best tears/conversations between her and I came when I spoke with her about how proud we are of her. She and I have a SPECIAL bond. Not just parent and child. Not even as a just good friends. She is not just my offspring, but a Sister in Christ. That is an everlasting bond despite physical place, time or even death. There is great security and thanksgiving in that respect.

But the one thing that we share that no one else can understand to the degree in which I do is : the incredible pain that comes along with having your plans dashed by an unexpected, bodily, limitation in which you have NO control. Physical pain is rough enough, but the emotional pain SUCKS! Now What?

One of the greatest things that I am thankful for in regard to Michelle's situation is that she has a very strong faith. She is tough in dealing with the pain. Sucks it up nicely. BUT she is smart about not doing more damage or ignore that a problem really exists. Finding that balance is a hard, but very important skill.

Click this link to view photos

Current plans are for Steve and I to drive back out to Ft. Leonard Wood mid-December, spend a night, see a couple more museum places and then home for the holidays.

Right now, we believe that Michelle will have to report back to Ft. Leonard Wood at the first of the year and continue on'til they decide what to do next. She is due to get a promotion on January 1st, so that is at least something for her to look forward to.

Christmastime will also include a trip up to cousins and grandparents up in Northern Indiana at some point. Less presents this year due to economy, but more family valuing.

We have many, many things that we are thankful for at this time of year. You, our Dearly Beloved friends and family are chief among those blessings.

No Voice! No Choice!

Wow! My husband Steve and I have just emerged from one of the worst bouts of flu virus that we've had in a long while. He complained of a sore throat a week ago Thursday and then did the unthinkable. He actually came home early from work on Friday because he was so ill. The sore throat took away the voice. The fever and aches made one miserable. To top it off, the lethargy robbed us of any productivity.

Our full-time job became taking care of one another. Whoever went to the kitchen brought back a cup of tea with honey, chicken noodle soup, or Gatorade for the other. Mutual suffering, it was pathetically romantic. As I was about a day and a half later in coming down with this virus, I am the last to get back to 100%, nonetheless, I am at a good 90% tonight. If God blesses me with another hard night of sleep, I believe that I will "come into His house with singing" [Psalm 100] tomorrow morning as we celebrate the Lord's Day at Gray Road. Tomorrow is our special Thanksgiving celebration at the church. So it feels even better to get to go with revitalized health.

This week without being able to use my voice, much at all, gave me a lot of "quiet time". It was truly frustrating to not be able to just call up friends or family, or as I had to croak over the phone when my husband called from work. It made me think about how very much I am thankful for the voice that God has given me. How much I have taken it for granted. Those of you who really know me, know that I am rarely at a loss for words and am very creative at drawing word pictures and illustrations when communicating. So having this "fountain" shut down for the week went from being just pure pain and frustration, to an unexpected opportunity for me to "be still and know that He is God."

Without my voice, I was unable to ask questions. That was weird. It seems that I am a very curious person who is always wanting more details and understanding. Okay. So I learned to just accept it as it is. Don't question it. Take it as it's presented. If I don't understand it, well, then, maybe it's not important that I do so. Let it roll. Whatever... next!

Therefore, the lesson I learned this week with no voice:
No Choice with No Voice but to listen to that which is presented, and just accept it, as is, or NOT. I have the choice to either file it away for later inquiries, or just toss it aside. I don't HAVE to understand every little thing. That's a freedom that I didn't realize that I needed to experience which came to me through the imprisonment of my voice for a week. All in all, a pretty short trial for such a valuable insight.

Halloween - What Did YOU see?

Did YOU see something scary tonight?? Or did you see the beauty of the families walking from house to house together? I was blessed to have over sixty little visitors at our front door this evening. I was further blessed to see there smiles as the candy was placed into their treat bags. Most popular outfits this year seemed to be Power Rangers and Star Wars characters, a few witches and goblins, the expected Scream, and the most precious princesses and darlingest Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz!!

Though some people think that Christians should not celebrate Halloween, we choose to look at it from the standpoint of getting to give to our neighbors and families. A time of interaction where they actually come to my door and talk to me, even if briefly.

I even got to talk to a very well dressed Devil character tonight about how things in the U.S. may look like he's winning right now, but the end of the story has already been settled in the Bible. "In the very end, you WILL lose." A thoughtful laugh was the return from the teen along with a smile. The zombie with him nodded his head in agreement.

To sum it up, the way I see it, this Halloween was a good one spent at home with my husband and a variety of lively visitors.

What's an IQ?

Today I was cleaning out e-mail, linked to a site and took an online IQ test. Most of the questions were sequence related (some of the number sequences were difficult). I always enjoy the graphic sequences and suspect I did best on those and word grouping/meanings.

The final goal of this so-called free IQ test was to try and get me to check out some offers. Thanks, but no thanks. Just pressed the skip and navigated right out of there.

Final Score? According to this thing, my IQ is 140.

What exactly does that mean anyway? Is that good or bad, average or what?
Well, according to the afreeIQTest.com website a score of 140 is in the "superior intellegence" and just about in the range of "MENSA would like to speak to you". Yeah, right.

Anyone that knows me is probably laughing quite heartily now. Me too.

Miracle on My Motorcyle

September 17, 1987 is a special date on the calendar for me. You see, it was 21 years ago today that my life took a major hit. While driving our Kawasaki 550 motorcycle I was broadsided by the car of a young lady performing an illegal U-turn. My life as I had known it (had planned) would never be the same.

It was just before the impact and I was waiting for morning rush hour traffic to clear from one of the two major one-way streets located at the end of my commute to work in beautiful Santa Barbara, California. I knew that I had to wait a few moments more before the traffic cleared. So I took the opportunity to shoot up a praise to God. "What a gorgeous morning it is Father. There is not a single cloud in the sky." Additionally I am going to be early for work, and I am excelling at my job.

Looking back on that moment now, I realize that was the last minute in which I had no chronic pain in my life. I really do forget what that felt like. Perhaps God answered me with " Oh sure, you think it's beautiful and hunky dory now, but let's just see what you think in a minute." I believe that in Heaven, God was gathering the angels to watch what was going to happen next.

After crossing the intersection, I noticed that a car traveling in the opposite direction quickly pulled along the opposite curb as it going to park. But then it happened. The sudden impact broadsided me full force as the black bumper of the Civic instantly crushed my Left Ankle. I found myself startled (WHAT just happened), in great pain as my foot was hit by the car then pushed off the peg, and dragging along the pavement. On top of all that, my head was wizzing by the bumpers of cars parked on my side of the street as I was still moving forward although at an angle of a track bike (like the GT racers we just saw here in Indy).

I jerked with all my might to keep from going down. All the while it occurred to me that I am now driving on the wrong side of the street (from jerking up), my foots dragging, and I must stop in just a few yards BEFORE I enter the intersection with the other major one-way street. AAAAAAH!

This is where I testify to the miracle on my motorcycle. God was at work greatly in my life. He got me to stop the motorcycle before getting hit again. I did NOT go down even though broadsided. I think part of the credit for that goes to the fact that I raced bicycles at Major Taylor Velodrome and in racing class and training we would purposefully jam our bicycles into each other to learn how to avoid wrecks and react to unexpected pedal in your spokes.

Once I had managed to stop the forward movement of the cycle, I was standing there with both hand squeezing the calipers on the handlebar (clutch and brake). I was managing to stay balanced on my one right leg, but it was heavy and my other foot was mangled. What was worse is that I couldn't shift the cycle into neutral because it would have been done by my useless left foot. I was stuck there!!

Just then, a VERY pregnant woman came up the sidewalk to help me. I remember thinking that the gutteral screams that came out of me were not very feminine (surprised that I sounded like a guy) and that I could even scare her away if I didn't quiet them.

She came up to me and saw that I had a problem, but couldn't hear me very well through the running of the motorcycle and due to the fact that the visor of my full face helmet was down. So she was fumbling around trying to undo my helmet. I swallowed all screams of pain and yelled, "PUT... the KICKSTAND.... DOWN!" Once she did that, I killed the bike by turning off the key with the assurance of the kickstand there to keep me from falling over.

I took off my helmet and looked down at my foot. It looked like the ends of two of my toes were missing and I knew that my ankle foot was broken. The lady had called the police and ambulance and wanted to help me to the sidewalk. I initially declined since she looked like she would deliver her baby if she lifted half of my weight. However the incessant throbbing convinced me that I should accept her offer.

We managed to get me to the sidewalk, a couple of very painful steps, and then I was down. Only then did I see that the only damage to the motorcycle was to the left case guard that helps protect the engine... a $50 part!! Another miracle.

Yes, God saw to it that I did not go down, that I had NO other damage to my body other than my left knee, leg, ankle and foot. Do you realize that if I had gone down I wouldn't have been able to even use crutches?

May I just say something about crutches. When I am using them I get the "oh, you poor thing" look from everyone. Others using crutches say, 'don't you just HATE having to use crutches?" My answer is a resounding "NO." I love these crutches. This is the original pair and if they had an odometer on them it would have tripped over the 100,000 mile mark about three times. I don't know what I would have done without them.

When I am on crutches I can really move!! Just ask my friends. Unfortunately, right now I am recovering from a shoulder injury and can't use them yet. So I appreciate them all the more, because without their use I am much more limited. Still I do have the famous "black boot" that I can throw on when I am expecting to be "slammin'" (on my feet or walking a lot). Again, I get the looks and the questions "what happened, did you have another surgery?"

I know that people are generally caring and tend to think that injuries are supposed to get better. But the sad fact is that some of us are never going to recover from our injuries. Not in this lifetime anyway. These appliances (crutches, canes, boots, funny shoes) are just our ways to cope in the meantime. To try to live a productive life in spite of the physical challenges.
I now joke that I have been through probably about a dozen sets of guardian angels. They draw lots up there to NOT have to get me as a client.

Almost half of my life has now been in constant pain.
As a competitive long distance runner I used to just push through the pain. No pain, no gain, right? Maybe so, but you will notice that I don't run anymore. I can't. If it's an emergency or something I can lope along with the understanding that I will have to pay a physical price. I'll be "lame" for a few days, and have to go back to using my crutches.

Worse than that, I often don't realize that I'm overdoing until after it is too late. Again because my way of dealing with pain was to mentally 'shove it aside', I use a kind of self-hypnosis that worked well for me as an athlete, but that can do damage to me now.

Since I am allergic to almost all pain medicines, I can take none. So I really am in constant pain every moment I am awake. But there are a couple of coping skills that I have learned that work for me. Music is the biggest one. When I sing or play, it is a painkiller for me. It helps that I like to sing praises to God with our church worship team and jam on mandolin and guitar with friends. That's why you'll hear me turn almost any sentence into the lyric and break out into song.

Another painkiller is laughter. My friends help me with this one. Laughter is the best medicine is tried and true. I know that depression is just a natural outcome when someone is dealing with chronic anything. There are chemical things happening in the brain with seratonin and endorphins and such. Since I am unable to be as physically active as I was as an athlete it's even more important that I laugh. Like exercise, laughter increases the endorphins; the body's natural pain killers.

So that is why when you first meet me you may think that I am very silly. I am learning to roll with the punches and not take things too seriously. I realize that things could ALWAYS be worse. And, in many people's cases, they are. However, I also realize that no matter what happens it is all under God's control.

Let God be God: get out of the way.
So my plans to be a nurse practitioner were trashed, as were the ability to participate in a lot of the exercises and sports competitions that I enjoyed. Now I have a permanent disability that prevents me from enjoying the life I wanted to live. Besides the walking, standing, foot down time and distance limitations, I have the physical drain of the constant pain. Think about it, when you are in pain you get tired more easily, don't you. I think part of that is from swallowing down the pain, not expressing it through some means. The other problem is the emotional drain. Frustration of not being able to do what I once did, it's never going to get better than this, the extra time that adaptability methods require. It just takes more time to do things.

For me, with my bent toward perfectionism, I need to get rid of the "would have," "could have," "should have" statements. It just is what it is. I am not God. I am learning more and more the importance of the Serenity Prayer:
"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change [past, not in my control], Courage to change the things I can [focus on what I CAN do, and learn new ways to adapt], and the Wisdom to know the difference."

Over the last 21 years, I have learned a lot. I would not have chosen these events. But I now see where God was in control the entire time. "I know the plans I have for you.... plans for hope and a future," is what God tells me in Isaiah. It is not the path that I would have willingly chosen for myself... motorcycle crash, crushed leg, 31 surgeries, pain and disappointments.... "sure, sign me up." Nonetheless, I am blessed beyond measure. I have become a stronger person who is learning to take my value less from what I do and more for Who's I am.

I joke about the fact that with so many surgeries and stuff, the guardian angels have to draw lots in hopes of not getting me as an assignment. I'm sure I have worn out at least a dozen sets. I know that like Paul, God has allowed me to be molded through trials. That if I hadn't had all this happen TO me, because He cares FOR me, I would probably have been a prideful, arrogant, competitive jerk. So when the trumpet sounds, get ready to eat my dust... cause I'm going to be running into glory!

But for now, I'm going to keep on placing my faith in Him and do my best to help others to meet my Saviour so that they can come with me. You wanna come???

Why I Tweet

Tweeting [posting a message on Twitter] IS conversation that is not just "for the birds". It's a way to soar to new heights of involvement in other people's lives.

"A little bird told me . . . " what did you hear, what are you listening to, what interests you and what of value do you have to offer others?

Twitter is a web service that is so easily integrated with other websites, phones and mobile devices that it is quickly becoming the primary way to stay involved.

I believe that Twitter is a valuable tool because it allows me to stay current with what's happening right now in other people's lives. It is a major method by which I can not only meet new networks and friends, but also build those relationships exponentially as we literally share our lives with one another in a messaging kind of way. These messages are sent in short updates based on the question "What are you doing now?"

However, that doesn't mean to say that we need to know that you are blowing your nose or taking out the trash. It gives me "up to the minute" updates on what is happening in peoples lives: I get instant prayer requests, testimony to God's provision, thought-provoking opinions and advice, leads and links to other resources, a wide range of TRUE HELP in a time of need. If too much noise comes from a source that I am listening to, I simply will no longer listen.

Just like in real life conversation you choose who you will listen to. "Follow" is the term that Twitter uses. Just as in a crowded room at a social event, you wouldn't care to hear what every single person might have to say, rather you value listening to and talking with those who have something that you value to say or ask. What is interesting to you?

How interactive is it?? The crowded room is like a group chat in the new media world. A lot of different people are talking at once, so they have to be divided up into smaller groups "chat rooms" which generally center around some topic. However to participate in a chat room, or an IM chat for that matter, you must be physically there to take part. The conversation goes on without you and you may simply miss out.

This is a bit different than a message board... again usually centered around a topic or an email or webpost... which is posted then may be left for a while before any more activity takes place. Not necessarily at-this-moment, but when you get around to it. The posts are stored somewhere for reference and/or later action.

Now let's look at Twitter. Twitter would be like the host of the party coming into the crowded room and saying, there is dancing in the Grand Hall, a buffet on the terrace, and by the way, a red BMW has left its lights on. If you were out of the room when the announcement was made your friend can restate what was said (Twitter keeps some of the more recent tweets), so you can pop in and out of Twitter and just check back. BBL (be back later) The announcements were made publicly, but a person chooses to act only on those things that are of interest to him.

My tweeting has gotten me into friendships that would have taken me much longer to find (if at all) just out on the streets. Twitter is a communication tool that acts kind of like a family reunion or gathering of friends. You get to know people by word of mouth: things they say, tweets about opinions they have, books they read, music and food preferences, and more importantly to me their overall character... the way that they live life.

Reach out... go to them...I see a HUGE opportunity here to bypass all the awkwardness of social boundaries like what do I wear, how do I act, who can I go with so that I'm not alone, suppose I don't know anyone there... all the insecurities that can paralyze people in fear. I believe a lot of these concerns have crossed peoples minds at some time or another and driven them to the conclusion that going out into some social situations is just too 'fake" as many people try to dress and impress for that first impression. Once people listen to others on Twitter, they get to know them before they go out in public places. Twitter is great for setting up a spontaneous get-together: meet for lunch, go to a movie, games at Lou's... fear of rejection by asking out on a formal date is bypassed by "I'm going to ------ wanna come?".

I think that Twitter allows people to be honest and transparent in a way that frees a person from so much fear and rejection, and allows for true fellowship to take place. In my experience I have developed a group of people that I care for like family. When they hurt or need help, I am quick to encourage. When they celebrate something good, so do we all. That is BIBLICAL in my eyes.

Additional WITNESSING opportunities as postings demonstrate how a Christian lives in real life. Suddenly a non-believer's aversion to anything Christian as being judgmental and hypocritical is challenged by the fact that there are several postings a day of how professing Christians are 'walking the talk'. That all Christians are not condescending and condemning. That Christians, like any other person, are in process. We are ALL on a journey; and Twitter can help us take it side by side!

DARE----Accountability -- another benefit of the Twitter community is the fact that we can help each other remain accountable. Did you get that math homework done Jon? We essentially "spur one another on" -- another Biblical principle I see that is assisted through using Twitter. We can challenge each other to examine our opinions and how those line up with the truth that we value.

SHARE----By sharing what we experience, know, feel, enjoy, dislike, value and detest, we are opening ourselves up to the possiblities of helping each other,

CARE - encouraging and being encouraged,

PRAYER -praying for each other, giving advise and practical aid in specific areas that can be stated very specifically and in-the-moment. For example, "I am having a problem with trying to get my pictures off of the digital camera. Can someone help?" OR "My sister went into early labor, please pray" OR "I'm going to South Bend for the weekend. Where's a good restaurant to try?"

For the most part Twitter is Public (there are privacy settings and direct messaging that can be just one on one) so many people can contribute to a conversation about when and where to meet, advice on problem-solving, recommendations on resources, when one person posts a prayer request or a statement about being ill or something, it is fantastic to see the flurry of posts that respond.

People do listen. People do care. Every person matters. Twitter helps communicate all of that.

Looking at INNOVATION as bringing creativity to bear against solving a problem, then Twitter is a very valuable tool in the realm of innovation.

Meditation by Moonlight

Midnight snuck up on me again. I was doing work at the computer and time went faster than it was supposed to. So Spirit, our terrier, gives me the "are you finally ready for bed look" and heads for the back door for the final going outside ritual.

I went ahead and stepped out onto the back deck and was instantly taken by what a beautiful night it was. The temperature was refreshingly cool, but not cold. The humidity that was so oppressive just yesterday was now a nice moisturizing caress as the wind gently blew. The night was quiet with only rustling leaves and upper level wind sounds moving the clouds across the moonlit sky.

That's when I saw it! The moon was gorgeous. The last time I was so mesmerized by the lunar light was during the solar eclipse earlier this year.

So I ran inside and grabbed my digital camera to see if I could capture what I was seeing. Mind you, mine is a point and shoot digital with very few of the higher tech lenses and settings that I enjoy on my 35mm, so I decided it would be fun to experiment.

I played around with settings; flash *ha* vs. no flash, zoom out vs. zoom in, holding at different angles, holding close to body and stiff vs. away from body and loose. I was having a lot of fun as I incorporated some treetops or branches and composed different shots.

Then I did something I haven't done in years. I went out into the yard and just laid down in the grass and gazed skyward. I didn't really care that the ground had dampness from all of yesterday's rain or that dew was collecting on the blades on which I was about to repose. Though Spirit was quite confused as to why I was lying in the grass in the dark and taking photos, nevertheless, she came to join me and we made a memory that I just had to share.

Though my initial motivation was to lie down to stabilize myself for no flash nighttime photos [because I was determined NOT to go inside and dig out my tripod], I soon found myself once again under the spell of the 'lesser light of the heavens'.

I was truly enjoying my time watching the high cloud shapes and colors dancing with the moon. I found myself watching the colors change as the bright orb temporarily ducked behind the passing clouds. I even found myself eagerly anticipating when the moon would emerge in the upcoming clearings.

It was as if the moon were saying to the clouds, "you may think you can keep me from shining my light, but your opposition to my mission is merely temporary. You will pass on by, while I will remain. Your desire to stop me from my purpose is but a mere hindrance. In your attempt to hide me, to shame me and belittle my light, you have actually brought about additional interest to the nighttime sky. So, like Joseph of the Old Testament, I say to you, 'you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good."

The Bible says that even without another person's testimony, creation itself will testify to the existence of our supreme creator. It was a blessing to have the moon reminding me that though the clouds seem dark and ominous at times, though they seem as if they will snuff out anything I try to do and attempt to make me disappear, yet will I continue to burn on. The light that God has given me is just as bright as it emerges from me whether I am behind a cloud of opposition or in a clear spot. The passing clouds of various earthly trials are fleeting events.

The very clouds of what appear to the world as threatening to my very existence have no effect on my ability to shine for God. If I continue to shine, the colors may change, and shadows dance across the landscape. However, if I keep my focus on reflecting the Son's true light, those watching can join with me in anticipation of the hope that is ours and the celebration as we emerge victorious on the other side.

What's more, though I did not change in the amount of light I was reflecting, it would appear to the observer that I am shining even more brightly as I come out of the shadow of the clouds than had I been simply alone in the sky and unhindered!

Yes. It definitely was a very interesting night.

I would value your response if you would kindly comment on this post.